What If These 11 Things Were Uttered In Your House…

As a parent, there are just certain things that you hear from your children and behaviors you have come to expect. Day in and day out, kids will fight, need stuff, make things more difficult, and complain about pretty much everything. We did it too for our parents, and I’m sure we drove them bat shit crazy at times. But they are kids, right? They don’t really know any better. They are little creatures that are dependent on us to take care of them, teach them, and get them everything they need. It is a parent’s job to tend to her children. I have come to accept that am the resident snack bitch in our house…and most of the time, I am fine with that.

But…

What if there was some magical cosmic event and your kids suddenly became self-sufficient beings.  What if they realized all little things we do for them and and were suddenly grateful for all of it? What if they were magically capable of doing themselves the simple things that they ask of us 10,000 times a day?

I would completely lose my mind if I heard any of these things uttered at my house:

  • Thank you, mom…dinner was absolutely delicious. My corn dogs were perfectly heated on all sides. Perfection.
  • Mom, let me carry my own backpack to the car. I can see you have your arms full with 6,000 art projects, lunch boxes, and a spastic child. I got this.
  • I’m feeling a bit parched. I am going to get up and get my own 600th glass of milk today. I’ll even use the cup I already used one minute ago. Why dirty another one?
  • It’s time to go now? I know exactly where BOTH of my shoes are. Let me get them on without you asking 4,329 times.
  • Socks? Already have them on! And…they match.
  • Pants? Check. Got them on too. Let’s go!
  • My sister totally looked at me and I DIDN’T shoot her in the face with my Nerf gun. I am really starting to understand this self-control thing you keep talking about.
  • It’s bedtime. Finally. I’m just beat.
  • No problem you were late picking me up from school today. I totally understand that traffic is unpredictable and you got here as soon as you possibly could.
  • You’re not feeling well tonight? By all means, let me get up and let the dog outside. You rest. I’ll even help pick up after dinner.
  • I know where all my Nerf bullets are. Every. Single. One. is accounted for.

This is all clearly just a mom fantasy…but I can dream, right? Kids…they are exhausting, but we sure do love them.