Saturday Night Dates Take on A Whole New Meaning

When I was married Saturday was our date night. We would always have a sitter and go out and spend time together. Now that I am single, Saturday nights are probably my least favorite nights of the week.

My ex-husband and I have worked things out to where I have Saturday night as a night for me. The problem is filling in the date part. I recently heard that after 40, a woman has a better chance of being bitten by a king cobra or hit on the head by falling space debris than she does of getting remarried. After a few bad dates I have decided that waiting for a king cobra to strike or something to fall out of the sky might be a better option.

Alas, most of my Saturday nights are spent with my six little dates. Last Saturday, we spent a long day unpacking the last few boxes in the new house which led to one to many arguments between the kids. I decided we needed to get out and took the gang out for pizza.

We were driving along, the children were bantering and bickering back and forth about things, and I was lost in my own thoughts going over the list of things I needed to get accomplished before another week of school started. And then, out of nowhere, a police officer pulled me over. I did not even see the police car with his lights flashing behind me until he let his sirens go off to signal me to pull over.

The kids had a moment of unity and said “uh-oh you’re in trouble.” My teenage daughter was quick to suggest that I take my hair down in case it is a “hot cop.” This is my sweet child who reminds me that she will pick out my nursing home before she lets me come live with her, so I better getting working on my dating life.

I had no idea why the police officer was stopping me. I drive a huge SUV and with the weight of six kids and a car full of so many goldfish crackers, backpacks, books, mismatched shoes, coats and other surprises, it does not move very fast. He slowly and cautiously walked up to the car. He told me my brake light was out and that my tag and registration would expire soon. He said they were making random checks, (lucky me!) and that I should be sure and get that renewed. He informed me that if the tag and registration goes beyond the expiration date of 6 months, I could be arrested.

Hmm…those are probably words you should never say to a stressed out mom. I read somewhere that prisoners can’t do kitchen duty and laundry duty at the same time because that is considered “cruel and inhumane”. Funny, most moms to both the laundry and the cooking everyday and no one is saying what an injustice that is!

The police officer asked if he could see my license and registration. I opened the glove compartment to get out my registration and out pours CD’s, papers, a toothbrush, an old banana, and fruit snacks. As I wrestle to pull the melted gummy fruit snacks off of the registration, I asked the kids to hand me my purse which has made its way into the arms of my 5 year old son, Finn.

I tried to give the officer my best “I have it together” smile, when Finn began to scream. He refused to let go of my purse. My 7 year old daughter Elspeth tells the officer to “Tase” him and once again the children found something they agree on!

They all start chanting, “Tase Finn! Tase Finn! Tase Finn!” I look at the officer and tell him I think jail sounds nice. He looks a bit overwhelmed and says “don’t worry about it” and walks away.

Incredible! I can’t get a date; this was the closest a man has been to me in a long time; and I can’t even get him to stick around long enough to write his name on a ticket! But, at least this date night had a happy ending; my six little dates all ended up singing something in unison!