I don’t know about you, but I’ll be 30 this year and every day I am trying to figure out how to hang on to my youth. Shopping at Forever 21, trying to keep tabs on who Taylor Swift is currently dating and staying on top of pending One Direction reunion rumors. I still have teenage sisters and I try so hard to connect and emulate them that I think my husband is starting to become embarrassed.
But no matter how many chokers or platforms I buy, if it’s not my screaming children in the back of my third row SUV with the roomy trunk that reminds me of my age it’s the fact that the landscape of slang is constantly changing and I just simply can’t keep up. I have more text messages than I care to share with my sisters asking them what something means.
But why do the teens have the monopoly on determining what these phrases and words mean? I decided to reimagine what some of the popular (and easily defined) ones would mean if they had been originally coined by the 30 and 40 something-year-old parents instead of a generation that thinks Missy Elliott was “put on” by Katy Perry at the 2015 Super Bowl.
1. Low Key
To keep something low key: to not announce it; to have a quiet gathering; opposite of a large party or big group of people; not much emphasis, closely aligned with a normal night out doing the usual stuff.
- When you and your husband have to watch Game of Thrones on volume 20 because you are still co-sleeping and just got the baby to sleep.
- When you put your baby to sleep and have to sneak out of their room.
“After I put Ella to sleep I had to low key get out of there before she woke up!”
2. Netflix and Chill
Code for when two people go to each other’s houses to have “sexual relations”.
- When grandma takes the kids and you and your husband binge on House of Cards, eat hot wings, fold the laundry and talk about your schedule for the upcoming week.
3. Lookin’ Like A Whole Damn Meal
Someone who is really ridiculously attractive.
- When you’re so fed up with the day that you count the 3 bags of Goldfish, a handful of grapes, and the fries that your toddler found under the couch as his “whole damn meal” before putting him to bed for the night.
4. Girl Bye
A term used to dismiss a comment or accusation by another person. Could also be directed towards a guy.
- When your toddler has a tantrum and you straight up step over him and let him work it out.
“Preston freaked out over his lunch today. I was like girl bye and went back to folding the laundry.”
5. Becky with The Good Hair
A woman who had an affair with your husband.
- That Mom at school who always makes everything homemade for the bake sale, seems to never go home and chairs every event with a smile on her face.
“The school needs a new fundraising chair.” You snickering in the background, “Better call Becky with the good hair.”