20 More Lies I Tell My Kids

I realized after writing my first post, 20 Lies I Tell My Kids, I definitely tell a lot more than 20 lies. So, here are 20 more lies I tell my kids!

1. I’m not going to tell you again. (Yes, yes I will…probably at least 40 more times.)

2. “Kids, it’s a deer road! Watch for deer.” (Keeps them quiet for at least 5 whole minutes.)

3. I’m going to count to three… (Even though I absolutely no idea what is going to happen when I get to 3.)

4. Mom, when are you getting up? “Five minutes…” (I’m lying it will be WAY more than 5 minutes.)

5. Worst family ever? Well, let’s go check on Craig’s List for a better one for you.

6. Only grown-ups can drink pop. You would hate it.

7. I have no idea how to fix your iPad. Just find something else to do.

8. If you don’t brush your teeth, the dentist will yell at you.

9. Yes…I totally understand all the random Pokémon stats and rules you throw out AND I totally care.

10. No, Daddy and I were NOT talking about you.

11. We don’t get that TV show anymore.

12. No, I don’t think you are getting any shots at the doctor today.

13. I have no idea where your glitter and sequined art project went. (Yes I do…I threw it away).

14. It’s a tie…(That’s bullshit! I won).

15. You did a great job at baseball tonight…no one cared that you cried for half the game.

16. Yes, yes I totally remember that (except I have absolutely no idea what he is talking about).

17. Stupid is a swear word.

18. Your outfit totally matches. Good job.

19. See that guy with the white beard? That’s Santa. He is always watching. (Amazing how many white bearded guys there are around!)

20. They must be sold out of those Ninja Turtle shoes (Most hideous shoes I have ever seen).